Author Archives: Becca

Another injury

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Another day, another injury.  This time, I hurt my leg (my left, always the left) going down an escalator.

Yep.

Went to step down, and…TWANG went something in my quads.  Took it relatively easy, the next day it seemed fine.

The day after (or was it that same day?) was walking down the stairs at work.

TWANG.  Goddamnit!

I don’t understand, how in heck am I hurting myself by simply walking down some stairs??

Today, I attempted to go to the gym while JJ went rockclimbing.  My leg had been…well, I could feel it every now and then, it didn’t pull up as quickly as it had the first time.  First couple of steps on the elliptical, and I knew.  This workout was a no go.  Workouts for the rest of the week will be a no go.  Even riding, if I have to push down fairly hard I can feel it twinge a little bit.

I admit it.  I cried.  I.  Am.  So.  Frustrated.  I’m sick of being injured.  I’m sick of being held back.  I’m sick of not running when I want to.  I’m sick of not being able to just get the f*#! on with it and f*&$ing exercise without something stopping me every few weeks.

I just can’t do it anymore.  And of course we haven’t been grocery shopping for a couple of weeks, so I haven’t been able to cook dinners, make lunch or even bring snacks to work so my food/diet is out of whack.  I can’t exercise.

Yes, I made it below 60kg (woohoo!) but…there’s more to it than that.  Working out was a thing I had that I could do, for an hour or so all I thought about was what I was doing.  Everything else fell to the wayside, I was focused completely on finishing my reps, trying to absolutely push myself.  You simply don’t have the energy to worry about other things when you’re sweating and struggling and your muscles ache!  And seeing as I don’t have a social life, that was kind of…my substitute for that, I guess.

The injury means that I don’t have that at the moment, and won’t for probably a week or so.  It just sucks.

Then JJ called to ask what had happened, and would I join them for dinner at Pizza by the Metre?  Ah, no.  I can’t eat a hugely calorific meal considering the fact that I didn’t get to the gym.  I don’t give a flying f*#& if it’s delicious, I can’t eat it right now.  No, I just can’t, I don’t have the calories spare.  Okay, sound judgemental and wary then, I don’t give a f*&*.

He seems to forget that I’m not him.  I can’t eat whatever I want and not see the consequences.  I can cut my calories right back and watch the weight creep slowwwwwly off, and watch it fly back on should I slip up for a few days.  Yes, I’ve lost a lot of weight, but I still have a lot of work to do.  I’m flabby and untoned, my legs are a disgrace, and I need to lose more.  And I simply don’t know how to do it without the gym (the toning, I mean) and it makes me want to cry that I’ve got another pointless setback.

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Today, I woke up in a bad mood.  This happens (with relatively decreasing frequency these days, I will admit) for no good reason, or for any reason at all, actually.  This bad mood eventually culminated in my sitting on the bed, laptop off, staring into space and being miserable.  And then letting JJ and a good friend of mine know just how bad a mood I was in.  It was JJ who provided the most useful response, to go for a walk down one of the nearby streets to have a look at the shops I haven’t properly looked at before.

And it made me feel a bit better, but now I’m right back down to feeling crap and I just can’t shake it.

I’m thinking calorie counting can go jump today.  I really just can’t be bothered, especially when we have practically no food in the house anyway.

Whatevs.

Positivity

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Just a quick little note as it is a great example of glass half empty/glass half full (which, while a relatively hackneyed example, is so fitting here).

I am in my final semester of uni (whoo!) and am only doing 2 subjects (whoo!), half the normal workload.  You would think that this means I would be on top of everything.

Of course not!

So I was having a little stress-fit (although only a half-hearted one), saying I couldn’t believe I was behind with only two subjects.  Surely, I said, this should be easy!

Well, with only two subjects, JJ commented, it should be easy to catch up.

And there it is.  I was so busy looking at the negative and feeling bad about the negative that I completely forgot that simple positive.

Food for thought.

Struggletown

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Sometimes (and it’s becoming more often lately, which is odd), I just…lose it.  Something insignificant will happen, followed by something irritating, and then BAM.  I’m a raging mess with no idea why I’m even raging so I make up things to rage about and make myself sad.

One of the hardest things about my calorie counting is living with someone who doesn’t.  Someone who not only doesn’t, but doesn’t even need to.  They can eat whatever the heck they want and still be fitter than I am.  It’s especially difficult to deal with on days when I haven’t exercised and my calorie intake is at its minimum limit.  Especially when I’m pretty sure that I’ve gone over my limit.

And  especially especially  when I haven’t seen results in so long.

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Oops…and rMBP!

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I got sick, which was a bit silly.  Also, it happened last Friday (a week ago now), right before my management weekend at work.

Then I took on an extra shift on the Tuesday.

So I got sick, and in order to get better, promptly worked close to a full time week.  Funnily enough, this did not work!

Buying my new pretty baby did, though.

My new pretty thing!

Could I be more of a sheep if I wanted to?  Probably not.  But here’s the thing…here’s the thing.

The screen.  The retina display.  It’s a thing of absolute beauty.  There are many reasons I call it pretty, and that is but one of them.

Then, the SSD.  It’s fast as lightning.  My old laptop, as much as I dearly love it, was getting slow and crotchety in its old age.  First it would take ten minutes to actually boot up, and just when you think it’s ready and go to open an application it waves its little hands around and goes, ‘JUST A MINUTE!’ and farts about for another couple before finally doing what you want it to do.  My new pretty thing?  It turns on in a matter of seconds.  Applications open instantly.  Having an SSD makes you realise that you used to actually have to wait for things that you never thought you were waiting for.

Also, it’s a model with an in-built graphics card which means HELLO games!  But, I hear you cry, many games are not available for Macs…is this not a problem?

Nope.  HELLO boot camp!  My pretty little thing can run both MAC OS X Lion and Windows 7 (which I had to buy separately, obviously).  So I boot into Windows for all my gaming joy (current obsessions are ACII and Trine 2), and into MAC OS X for everything else.

Oh, you clever little machine.

What I grappled with was – if I were to spend the same amount on a Windows laptop, what could I possibly get for my money?

And the fact that I got the new version with the retina display and SSD did up the price a touch.

Honestly…it was kind of a hard decision to make.  I didn’t want to fall into the trap of bowing down to every Apple product that comes along and swearing my undying loyalty to Steve Jobs (poor choice of words?) and all he represented and still represents.

And I don’t think I am.  I like the way this works.  I like the way this looks.  I like that it’s intuitive, I like that everything just works, and I like that I can do everything I could possibly want to do with it and more super easily.  From everyone I’ve spoken to, it will continue to work really well for many years.  And the fact that I can use boot camp to get into Windows and do all that stuff with it as well just sealed the deal for me.

Most expensive thing I have ever bought for myself?  OH MY, yes.  Regrets?  Absolutely none.